thesequel28

: thesequel28; January 18th, 19:49

BOLD IF TRUE

I am 5'4 or shorter.
I think I'm ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I've had braces.
I wear glasses.
I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.

FAMILY/HOME LIFE:
I've sworn at my parents.
I've been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT:
I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I've snorted while laughing.
I've laughed so hard I've cried.
I've glued my hand to something.
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I've had my pants rip in public.

HEALTH:
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I've had stitches.
I've broken a bone.
I've had my tonsils removed.
I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I've had chicken pox.

TRAVELING:
I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
I've been on a plane.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to Niagara Falls.
I've been to Japan.
I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I've been to Europe.
I've been to Africa.
I've been to France.

EXPERIENCES:
I've been lost in my city.
I've seen a shooting star.
I've wished on a shooting star.
I've seen a meteor shower.
I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I've been to a casino.
I've been skydiving.
I've gone skinny dipping.
I've played spin the bottle.
I've crashed a car.
I've been skiing.
I've been in a play.
I've met someone in person from the internet.
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I've seen the Northern Lights.
I've sat on a roof top at night.
I've played chicken.
I've played a prank on someone.
I've ridden in a taxi.
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've eaten sushi.
I've been snowboarding.

RELATIONSHIPS:
I'm single.
I'm in a relationship.
I'm available.
I'm engaged.
I'm married.
I've gone on a blind date.
I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I've been divorced.
I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY:
I've had a crush on someone of the same gender.
I've kissed a member of the same gender.
I've had sex with someone of the opposite gender.
I've had sex with someone of the same gender.
I've had sex with more than one person at the same time.
I am a cuddler.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've had sex outdoors.
I've hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I have had sex with a stranger.

HONESTY/CRIME:
I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I've cheated while playing a game.
I've cheated on a test.
I've run a red light.
I've been suspended from school.
I've witnessed a crime.
I've been in a fist fight.
I've been arrested.
I've shoplifted.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL:
I've consumed alcohol.
I smoke cigarettes.
I smoke pot.
I regularly drink.
I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
I've done hard drugs.
I've been addicted to an illegal substance.
I take cough meds when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

MENTAL HEALTH:
I have been diagnosed with depression.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I have an eating disorder.
I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
I've hurt myself on purpose.
I'm addicted to self harm.
I've woken up crying.

DEATH:
I'm afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I've seen someone dying.
I have attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.

RANDOM:
I can sing well. (or so I've been told)
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others too easily.
I watch the news.
I don't kill bugs.
I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
I curse regularly.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
I'm a snob about grammar.
I am a sports fanatic.
I play with my hair.
I have/had "x"s in my screen name.
I love being neat.
I love Spam.
I've copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
I don't know how to shoot a gun.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I believe in ghosts.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I'm good at remembering faces.
I'm good at remembering names.
I'm good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
My answers are totally honest.

dear world, i'm falling apart. yet again.

: thesequel28; January 17th, 19:04

i'm going nowhere fast. i'm eighteen going on extinct. yes, too much quoting. but it's how i feel. exactly, how i feel. i don't know what i want to do with my life. i don't have a job, i'm not in school. all i do is sleep. i need to get my shit straight. i need someone to fucking save me. i thought i found him, but i was wrong, sooo wrong. whenever i get upset, it opens up old wounds. like, eric. why, did i fall so fast, and hard, so head over heels in love with someone, who could have never, would have never loved me back. why was i so naive? i don't understand. i never will. but i do know that it happened, and there's no going back, and even if i could, i never would. he broke me, and now, i desperately need someone to put me back together. i don't even want to be with him anymore. but he's in my heart, forever will be. i still think about him, i still dream about him. i wish i still talked to him more than i do. i know i could handle it. i got my closure. i've moved on. but no one's ever going to compare to him. the other day i was talking to alex. and i told him i wasn't happy, and he told me to pray. and that really hit me. i need too. i've always believed in god, and i always will. just because i'm not that type of standeridized religion. [yeah, i probably just made up my own word.] i mean, just look at where he was going, and look at where he was now. god is one of the reasons i'm who i am, and i do need help, i need to look to him. everyone is probably going to read this, and think i sound stupid, but i don't care. i think it's what i need.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; January 2nd, 10:14

i was scared to let go of 2008 but obviously, i had no choice in the matter. so now, i'm looking at this year, as a chance to work on myself. i am going to better by myself. i've changed so much, and grown so much as a person, by going through so much, now, i'm going to work on fixing myself, not because i have no choice, but because i want too. i'm going to try to better my relationships, and i better my life. i want to go somewhere, and i haven't really been doing much to show it. i hate wasting my life, and i'm sick of it. i don't want to sit around anymore. i want to go to school, and i want to find a job, and i want to succeed, and i believe i have the right people in my life now. i have the best people, people that support me and are there for me in every single way possible. i'm grateful for them. i want to not let things get too me so much, i want to not over-react, i know, i can't really help the majority of it, because, that's just me, but i'm going to try to be more carefree. i'm not going to let petty shit bother me anymore.

2008 is almost gone. Bring on 2009.

: thesequel28; December 31st, 2008

Mood:: contemplative

this year's almost over. it's the one i'm scared to let go of. i'm scared to move on. this year, has made me, and broken me. i've found parts of myself. i've become stronger, and more independent, although, i still don't like doing thing by myself. i've found some extraordinary people, who made their mark on my life. i met a boy that i fell in love with, but he was the one that broke me. i did so many things this year i never thought i would. this was my year. it was the best, and the worst, but i wouldn't go back and change not even one second of it, for anything at all. this was a year of firsts, and lasts, of heartbreaks, and crushes, of laughter and tears, of friends and enemies. i took too many pictures, but not enough to capture every single moment. i had my heart completely shattered, and stomped on, by that boy, who didn't even know how much of me he really had. i realized so much about myself, and other people. i learned so much. for once in my life, i did good in school. i graduated, something, not a lot of people thought i was going to do. i proved people wrong. i came to realize that things rarely ever happen the way you want them too, and you just have to sit back and live your life, you can't live trying to make everything perfect, because, your life is perfect, with all of it's imperfections. i had to learn to accept that. i had to learn to let go of that boy. he'll always have a piece of my heart, but i had to let him go. i love him, and forever will, but it's what was best for me. maybe this year or next or years after that, i will find someone who will love me with all of their heart, like i loved him. i know he's out there, and i will be okay. i have to learn to move on, and let go; of this year especially, but it's going to be hard. i've been so anxious the past few days, because, i feel like as long as it's this year, i still have him, and if it's not, i don't. but i have all my memories, i have everything, even though i'm not living that part of my life anymore, i still have it, it's still MY life. this is the only year i've been afraid to move onto next year, because, afterall, this was the year i found myself. <3

(no subject)

: thesequel28; October 22nd, 2008

i want you, and only you. you're the only place i'm home, and the only place i ever will be. this is going to sound weird, i loved him, he is my first love, and forever will be, i believe, you only find true love once, but i don't think he's my soulmate? i don't know exactly that works. i don't necessarily believe you have to be in love with your soulmate, or involved romantically. i believe that your soul mate, is the one person, that you can trust completely, that you just feel right with no matter what, that, just, your souls, need to be together. and i think i know who that is. i mean, i could be wrong, i can't predict the future, i'm young, and people are going to be in and out of my life. i think soulmates, are like, like this bumper sticker i found, yes BUMPER STICKER, with this quote from sex and the city, it was something like, "guys are just people to have fun with, and our girlfriends are our soulmates." basically. i don't know. everyone just keeps telling me, they don't ever see me and him back together. but my mom, the way she talks, i don't know, sometimes gives me hope, i just miss him. he's one of those people, that whenever anything is bad, the next second, its the way it always was, nothing ever changes, well it does, but, not like that. i know, he'll always be there, and in my life, whether in a positive or negative way, obviously, i want him, i want to be in his heart, and maybe i am, but, i just need him there. i neeed him. everyone always is like, do you want to live your life like that, with him, doing this and that and that. but i do. i don't care. i look past all of his negativty, and i remember the good things, which there have been a lot. i accepted him, the way he was from the beggining, that's who i fell in love, and that's my fault, he never acted different, or showed me a different person. i don't know, he's got my heart, and it's not that i'm waiting around for him, but i can't give it to anyone else as long as he's got it.

Nothing's real, until you let go completely.

: thesequel28; October 15th, 2008

I wish that I knew how to be okay. I wish that I knew how to accept things without trying to figure them out, or pick them apart. Sometimes. I wonder how if I did things differently, how different I would be, how that one thing would affect me, or everyone else around me. I just want things to work out. I want to know. I want to be able to let go. I want to be able to breathe without that weight on my chest. Sometimes. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my chest. I know, that I'm strong. I know that things could be a lot worse for me, but what I have gone through is all I know, and my life isn't horrible, but it's not easy either. Things have been hitting me a lot harder lately. Sometimes. I'm not entirely sure what I want, or how I feel, or how I'm even supposed to feel. I feel like I let everyone down, I feel that I'm not ever going to be anyone's first choice. People are stupid, and everyone in your life, is going to hurt you once or twice, or a million and two times. It's just bound to happen. People make other people hurt, whether they do it intentionally or not. Whether they want to, or not. People make mistakes, lots of them. It's just up to you, to decided which ones are worth the pain, which ones you don't care how much they hurt you, if you really think they're sorry for hurting you, if they're worth keeping around. The people who make you are. People are put in your life for different reasons. Some to stay there, some to be in and out, some to teach you not to trust so easily, some to teach you how to trust, some to teach you how to cry, how to laugh, how to scream, how to breathe.

you're a touch over-rated, you're a lush and i hate it.

: thesequel28; October 9th, 2008

I have been listening to taking back sunday almost nonstop. it's intense. eric has stopped talking to me again, but i think it will only be briefly. but whatever. the thing is i miss jackie, a lot. i feel bad. but i couldn't have both of them in my life. and he was trying to let me. but she just wasn't. i love her to death. and i hope she knows that. and i hope he fucking comes around. THIS WHOLE ENTRY. is going to be nonstop rambling, because thats basically how my life has beeen. right now. i'm on the phone with sydney. we've been on the phone, since about seven in the morning. so two and a half hours. drinking coffee, and singing to each other. i'm pretty sure it's one of the most amusing phone conversations i've ever had. and both of our mothers looked at us like this, :|. for halloween i want to be a sexy lady bug. and i better be able to find one that fits me. baaaahhhh. so. i hooked up john, and sydney, and they're dating now. and now i've also hooked up austin and jessica. and they're cute. if i could look like one girl. i'd look like her. she's so fucking adorable. i can't even handle it. and i really hope basically no one reads this. but if they do. i'm over it. my life is a whole fucking bunnch of confetti covered awkward turtles. joanna called me yesterday when she was with brian, and then she came to luna, then we went and drove to a 24 hour walmart. and i made her dress up as a banana. and i stole this watermelon [wally] from the curb of a gas-station.
and me and and jacqui are really close right now and it makes me really happy. and i think i'm done for now. :]

She wants someone to see her.

: thesequel28; October 1st, 2008

I have come to terms with the fact that Eric will never be in my life again. Well I can't say never, because I don't know what's going to happen, but basically. My best friend, has proven to me today, that I can't fully trust anyone but myself. I'm never going to be anyone's first choice, so I need to make myself, my own. I'm just not like that though. I have too many morals, and I put everyone else before myself. It just drives me insane that I can't understand how some people, can do things that hurt people they love, over and over again. Even though they know it's killing them inside. People are just strange like that. People are stupid, and do bad things, but not everything is bad, and obviously, everything happens for a reason. What this reason was? I have no idea. I've been depressed as fuck lately. I miss my baby girl. I've just realized, that I feel like she's coming back, like she really didn't move there. But she did. And I know I'm never going to lose her. Some people, you just know are going to be in your lives forever. People keep disappointing me. I give people too much credit. & today I realized, thinking the worst of people, will probably help me in life. I hate saying that, but it's true. People do shady things, and I need to start protecting myself more. On a better note. It's October 1st, and that means, my birthday is in 25 more days. I'm pretty fucking excited.

and you hold me down, and you got me living in the past.

: thesequel28; September 14th, 2008

everytime i feel like i get things figured out, i really don't. i had made up my mind about things a few weeks ago, the other day happens, and i thought things were going to change, then after today, i was like, no i can't do this to myself, i'm done. but. that's a lie. i woke up to him, calling me. and in my head, i just miss my best friend, but i know i won't be able to do it, not without hurting myself. this is the time, that i'm truly figuring out myself, figuring out my true weaknesses, and strengths, my enemies and friends. who i am and where i'm going. it's hard, but obviously, there's a reason for all of this, there's a reason for everything.

There's a lot that I don't know
There's a lot that I'm still learning
But I think I'm letting go
To find my body is still burning
And you hold me down
And you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast

And I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

And the bars are finally closed
So I try living in the moment
'Til the moment it just froze
And I felt sick and so alone
I can hear the sound
Of your voice still ringing in my ear
I'm going underground
But you'll find me anywhere I feel

That I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

You hold me down
You hold me down
I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness

I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light, I need light

darling read my lips, we're going down like sinking ships.

: thesequel28; September 12th, 2008

Mood:: confused

yesterday, was the first day i haven't been able to stop thinking or talking about him, in awhile, for me anyway, then this morning, i woke up to him climbing through my bedroom window. he came in, and made me put us as my default, he put me back as his number three. and he kissed me, he hasn't kissed me in two months. and i'm pretty sure i'm going to stay at his house tonight, and he's being all cute with me. it's so weird, i'm completely and utterly shocked right now. everyone, but abbey and joanna are like no don't do it. but i need to. i need to. i could not handle living my life, wondering if things would have been different, in my head, i highly doubt things are going to be different, but there's always that .1% and i need to figure it out for myself, if i fall again, i'll be fine, eventually. because you have to leave to learn, and you have to crash and burn, and he's my weakness. i'm sooo shocked right now, but, i guess i'll see how things go.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; September 7th, 2008

yesterday, was on of the best days, i've had in awhile. i was so happy, i didn't know what to do, it was the first time i was that happy without it having to do with him, but, it did in someway, everything seems to now. on another note, i hate how, just one or two little words from him, turn my world upside down, good or bad, and my stomache starts to eat itself, i hate it, i hate hate hate it. but i can't control it, i can only learn to deal with it, and hope eventually, that my heart will be completely healed, or not, things are going to happen how they're supposed to, and i just have to be patient, i can already see things slowly falling into place.

she's out of luck, and out of hope, and out of cigaretttes.

: thesequel28; September 4th, 2008

i am in a rut. i need something new. i need things to change. i need new people. i need to do something with my life. my birthday is in 51 more days, hopefully then i can get my license, and maybe that'll help me with moving forward. that, and i'lll be eighteen. i need a new job. because this one sure as hell isn't cutting it. i need clothes. i need a lot of things. i want to be happy. i need drastic changes. i need to do something. i don't like the way my life is looking right now. i just don't know anymore, actually, i never know, so i don't know what the hell i'm talking about.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; August 26th, 2008

all i want is to be okay again.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; August 24th, 2008

i can't handle anything right now. i am not okay.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; August 23rd, 2008

i do not know what's going on, ever. one minute i'm okay, the next i'm not, i really can't handle this anymore. i'm so sick of it. i can't deal anymore. i can't. i can't. i can't. i hate myself when i'm like this, and i'm sure everyone else does too. i really hope i can get to talk to him, soon, and i hope everything does go back to normal, even though i'm pretty sure thats impossible, because this, is normal now. but i want everything to be good again. i just want it back.

i will never be good enough.

: thesequel28; August 22nd, 2008

Mood:: depressed

Music:: Watch The Sky

this has been my worst fear all along, everytime i got upset over the stupidest stuff with him, it was because i wanted to keep him happy. i didn't want to lose him. she is getting with him, in TWO DAYS what i've been trying to get for the past THREE MONTHS. i know how happy he made me, and that's what i'm holding onto, not the asshole he is to me now. i miss that part of him, and she is getting that now. it's not fair. but, i guess life isn't fair. everyone keeps telling me he doesn't deserve me, that i need to move on, he'll understand what he's missing, he'll get whats coming to him, but i don't think so, all i think is that i'm not good enough for him, i never will be.

this song is saving me;

you live the life you're given,
with the storms outside;
somedays all i do is watch the sky.

you live the life you're given, with the storms outside.

: thesequel28; August 21st, 2008

Mood:: contemplative

Music:: Watch The Sky- Something Corporate <3

I miss the way you used to kiss my hand, allll the time.
I miss the way all we used to was watch movies so we could cuddle.
I miss the way you used to hold my hand while we were walking.
I miss the way we used to lay together.
I miss the lips that made me fly.
I miss biting your tongue.
I miss our song.
I miss the way you used to kiss my neck.
I miss the way you used to stop me on my stairs and kiss me.
I miss the way you used to try and scare me.
I miss the way one of us would do something dumb, and we'd just laugh, and you'd hold me for for what felt like forever.
I miss guitar hero.
I miss the way you made sure I was okay with everything.
I miss how you used to sing to me.
I miss finding nemo.
I miss going everywhere with you.
I miss waking up to "goodmorning <3" texts, or "have a good day <3" texts.
I miss you asking me how work is.
I miss you telling me how we needed a day for just us.
I miss staying up late with you.
I miss you calling me beautiful.
I miss staying on the phone with you for hours every night.
I miss the way you used to look at me.
I miss the zoo.
I miss you playing with my hair.
I miss you trying to tickle me, then getting mad because my tickle was turned off.
I missed how you texted me as soon as I left you.
I miss the beginning.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss how you were.
I miss how we were.

This is the beginning of a list of things I'd like to accomplish in my life.

: thesequel28; August 19th, 2008

Mood:: pissed off

~~1. Fall in love.~~
2. Have a baby.
3. Get married.
4. Meet Andrew McMahon.
5. Go to Warped Tour.
6. Go to New York.
7. Go to California.
8. Meet Kelly.
9. Move out.
10. Get my license.
11. Crowd surf.
12. Be truly happy.
~~13. Get my lip, or tongue pierced.~~
14. Send a postcard into postsecret.
15. Go to Italy.
16. Go on a road trip.
17. Try to not judge people.
18. Go to college.
19. Go one day without saying anything negative.
20. Do something good for the environment.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; August 19th, 2008

this fucking full moon is fucking with everyone. my feelings are changing, and it's confusing the hell out of me. although, i guess it's a good thing, i just wasn't expecting it. but i guess this whole ordeal was a good thing. so i'm texting maria right now, and i'm telling her that no matter what she does it'll be right, because things are supposed to happen how they're supposed too. and she just told me that i should be a psychiatrist or guidance counselor. she told me that i am one of the smartest people she knows and i have the biggest heart. it made me smile. and that she wishes that had my mind set because things would be a lot easier, but truth is, my heart doesn't really listen to my mind set. but i guess it does help me get through things. i don't know. but i guess overall i'm pretty content and i'm just gonna see what happens.

(no subject)

: thesequel28; August 15th, 2008

i'm really content with everything in my life now, except that i need to quit my job. because people are dumb, and mostly everyone at nino's can suck my dick. :] i'm driving more, finally, which means i can get my license when i turn 18. i'm happy with all the friends i have right now. i'm happy being single. i'm just glad i'm okay again. those few days felt like forever, but i'm glad they happened. they put everything into perspective for me. i went and saw paramore and jack's mannequin the other day, i was semi disappointed, not with him, i could never be. but his merch guy promised us he'd be outside, and the security guards were bitches. he is probably the only person i would die for, that i don't know, obviously. my last dying wish would be too meet him, he's helped me through so much hell, and i just want to be able to tell him that's he's my mother fucking hero. everything is falling into place now, just like everyone said it would, and i'm having a good time living my life.

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